What should your first impression be like in order to get a girl to be excited enough to text you back?
We tend to think we need to be the most attractive guy to a girl the first time we meet and create an undeniable connection in order to get her to be excited enough to respond back, but in reality, these things can actually scare girls off and rarely cause things to pan out like you would expect them to.
Over the years I’ve come to learn that you shouldn’t focus too much on first impressions or try to achieve too much too early, because it isn’t the most powerful way to stand out.
At the end of the day, women are over saturated with different messages from different guys, and all of their feelings of attraction tend to blur together into one big conglomeration, until they can no longer tell you apart from that other guys. Girls just have way too many options, and your being attractive almost always gets lost amidst all of that.
So if you want to stand out, don’t try to be the most attractive guy of the bunch; just find a way to intrigue her and be memorable.
If you can do those two things well, you can then focus on what you will do the next time you see her rather than stress out about being Superman. This is how you best handle a first impression: by not overdoing it!
Let’s face it: girls have major ADD when it comes to stimulating interactions with guys, and while this seems at first to work against our interests, you’ll find that the best path forwards is acceptance and then to politely sidestep the mosh-pit and set up your interactions so they are as crisp as they can get. Play along with this aspect of their psyche and try not to get too upset by it, just play along for now, and work to develop a simple strategy.
Think about it: a girl is all alone, she is on social media, or watching a TV show, when bam, she is hit with a reason to think about her love life.
She then gravitates towards you or other guys, thinking about exes, friends, and guys she has crushes on.
She quickly goes back through what happened and then creates a new idea or way of viewing things that gives her a reason to either choose to respond to you or not.
After she creates her little idea (it might not be about you directly; you may just get wrapped up in the other relationships she thinks about) she then goes off and chats with her friends: “You know, I think those types of guys are better/worse than these guys because...” and the girlfriend nods along and exaggerates the point until a whole new concept is born. She is either excited about this new idea or she is matter of fact about it, depending on her personal outlook. And, after she lets that idea stew for a while, she remembers you sent a text a few days ago.
Your flaccid text is still sitting there, shivering in the cold, abandoned like a used Band-Aid, and she either says “Hmm, ok” or “Meh”.
Being attractive to her really won’t do a lot of legwork for you while she is going through this process, and, in the end, you still get her binary response of yes or no.
As a guy who just created a connection with a girl, it can seem pretty nuts sometimes. You can get the feeling that you don’t want to be at the whim of that kind of lunacy.
But it is what it is.
You can however circumvent this weird girl behavior by being intriguing and memorable.
Did you know that if a girl remembers you without provocation this will give her nostalgia? And did you know that nostalgia will give her good feelings? And that those good feelings will result in her wanting to see you or hear from you?
Our memory scientifically has been found to be linked to emotions. We remember things easier when we feel the emotion associated with a memory. So when a girl remembers you, it keeps hitting an emotional chord, which deepens her desire through repetition.
So if you are memorable you will be assessed and thought about more than a guy she quickly forgets, and it will give you a big advantage, just like you seeing a girl multiple times will give you an advantage over a guy who sees her only once.
And if you are intriguing, no matter how many times she talks to friends and watches TV, she won’t be able to quite peg you.
And when THAT happens, she will gravitate towards your message like a moth to the flame without a complete strategy set up, which will leave her open to judging it for what it is.
Pretty neat huh?
Being intriguing and memorable gets you outside of the behaviors that cause flaking.
The way this works is that she is NATURALLY going to remember you, just by a sudden feeling she gets from within, and things will start to “fall in place” for you as she talks less to friends and finds social media less engaging. You will start to take up a real spot in her thought processes and become a source of entertainment and stimulation for her rather than just a choice she has to bother with. This is what you really want.
To get what you really want from a first impression, it isn’t about “competing”; instead, it’s about being intriguing and memorable. And if you focus on these two things and use them well you can then focus the brunt of your energies on what comes next, helping you become a better letter. Pretty neat, right?
So don’t focus too much on first impressions; instead just create a very tight way of being intriguing and memorable.
This Takes Emotional Control
The simplest way I can put this is: you are always going to think that “if only you are hot enough” you will “get the response you need”.
You will check over texts and interactions you had looking to make sure you were hot enough, and this will plague your thoughts, even though it is not at all relevant to whether or not a girl will get back to you.
So stop entertaining that thought process.
You think that if you looked like Brad Pit, or if you charmed her like Johnny Depp, that that is IT; then you’d be IN.
However, the thing about girls is that they flip-flop, and they flip-flop a lot.
They will sit there thinking “You know what, I don’t feel like being charmed right now”, or “You know what, he’s good looking, but...” So ultimately, every winning-game advantage is a
free-for-all in that girl’s head, and if you are smart you will avoid that mosh pit.
To simplify your thought processes, instead just ask yourself: “Was I memorable? Did I create intrigue? Yes? Ok, I did my best for now!” You really do not need to spend more time worrying about texts or interactions than that. You’d be better spending your time setting up other things.
So How Do We Do It?
How do we become memorable and intriguing? Well, it all comes down to STRATEGY.
When mountain climbing, do you just run to the top of the mountain or do you set up a great base camp first? Ideally, if you intend to climb a mountain, you don’t just try to sprint to the top,
because you will get tired, and when you get tired you will slip, and when you slip you will hurt yourself, and when you hurt yourself you will get demotivated pretty fast. Girls are just like that mountain, except they also pick up on the likelihood of you tripping, so you want to minimize the likelihood of one of your actions tripping you up so a girl can assume you will be consistent in your motivations.
Intrigue is not about what you do now, but about the absence of common mistakes (which make you predictable). By preparing for what you’ll do next, you can prepare many varied routes to
the top of the mountain, and this ability to adapt is going to make women curious and unable to pin down what you are going to do. This is what will intrigue her.
If you think ahead after you have squared away what you needed to square away, your creative process can then just keep dropping bombs:
- “We could have marshmallows”
- “It is always awesome at X time of night”
- “You’ll think it rocks, I can see it now”
And how is a girl to respond to a situation that just keeps getting better? That’s right: she gets curious and wants to check it out.
Make the woman see that there is a very real CHANCE that the usual insurmountable obstacles will be overcome by displaying a compact and SOUND STRATEGY. Do you see where this is going?
Sound strategy, makes you INTRUIGING, where “being the best” at something makes you an idea a girl will just flip-flop on.
We All Chase the Wrong Thing
We all chase being the attractive guy, when it is the prepared guy that gets the second meet. Of course you can’t be cheesy and you need other fundamentals operating for this to all really click, but when you do have those things, stepping away from the competition and preparing for success is going to allow you to hit it out of the park!
If I was to summarize sound strategy in one sentence it would be this: Give her what you can freely lose and have it be awesome.
Tease her with your versatility, test her with your ability to keep rolling on without her, circle back and drop some bombs, have fun with it, intrigue her, and keep it simple and memorable. Help her gravitate towards you; give her the keys to an intriguing next meet up.
- “Hmm, we should really fix that.”
- “I’ve never seen a girl more in need of...”
- “Couldn’t you tell? I make the best...”
Spike her curiosity.
Your first impression does not need to appear like you are the best thing she is never going to have (girls smell a rat there anyways), it just has to be real and capture her imagination.
So next time you are stressing about how to look, or how to behave to get her to text you back, instead of rushing to pour gasoline on yourself and lighting a big bonfire of attractiveness, just chill out and remember it is as simple as…
Be intriguing. Be memorable.